Monthly Archives: June 2012

Ch26 Being, then Doing, and Having

What is it about camping that’s appealing? Why put up with mosquitoes, rocks under sleeping bags and wet clothes? Or if camping isn’t your thing, how about simply watching a sunset?

When you’re in these settings, you’re removed from the comforts you have worked so hard to surround yourself with. At home, you may identify with the size of your house, the location, or the stuff in it. Out and about, maybe it’s the car or what you’re wearing. Surrounded by stuff, it’s easy to focus on ‘Having’.

But, without a television, comfy leather couch, gourmet carrot peeler, or soft bed, you are forced to shift your focus. Activities with less stuff naturally direct our attention away from Having, to more profound levels.

Moving beyond a focus on materials things, the next level is Doing. Making a to-do list and ticking items off, you’re focused on Doing. And yes, doing is important. But if you do activities mindlessly, rushed or begrudgingly, you’re not Doing your best.

When you focus on Having and Doing, it’s easy to feel that you can’t succeed. You don’t have the right materials or you can’t accomplish everything you set out to do. So, you feel like you’re failing. And what naturally follows are feelings of low self-worth, and berating yourself or others who expect more of you than you can do.

But, no matter what you have or do, you can always Be your best. When you focus on Being you savor the interaction or time spent alone. You tune in to the impermanence of what is before you right now. You feel honored to have this sacred moment and grateful for the divine beings in your presence.

Shakti Gawain explains this elegantly.

“We can think of living having three dimensions: being, doing, and having. Often we attempt to live our lives backwards. We try to have more money in order to feel we can do more of what we want, so we can be happier. The way it actually works is the revers. We must first be who we really are, then do what we feel guided to do, in order to have what we want.”

Being

Easy ways to shift your attention include focusing on Being:

  • Being calm
  • Being compassionate
  • Being understanding
  • Being here
  • Being in awe
  • Being grateful
  • Being humble
  • Being authentic
  • Being funny

Whoa, sounds kind of fruity, kind of floaty, right? How does it work in the hectic pace of real life?

Example: ‘Being’ in the Classroom

I’m a teacher. I have an ideal in mind of what my students need to flourish: a comfortable classroom with natural daylighting, whiteboard with colorful markers, a computer and internet, ample space and supplies for each student, and the list can go on. But, it’s rare to actually have all of these. Attention on this level is a focus on ‘Having’.

But, what do we do in class? Teachers design lesson plans to achieve the goals set out for each class. In designing these activities, there is a lot I’d like to know: my students’ strengths and needs, and understanding their culture, research about the best ways to teach the materials, more games to make it fun, and the list goes on. As dedicated and creative as I am, I can always think of more to do.

I walk into class with a lesson plan, with an aim to achieve the goals I’ve set for the class. A teacher that focuses on this level is focusing on ‘Doing’.

Students may suspect, but teachers know, that classes rarely go as planned! The students unexpectedly struggle with a basic concept or whiz through a complicated activity. The teacher tries to adjust on the fly, and can’t always Do enough to keep on track for completing tasks and achieving learning goals.

But when I can hold onto the concept that Being is the most important level, I have a better chance of success!

There’s always more that we could have or do. But Being my best only requires that I am open and willing to experience my students fully. At my best, I am reminded that my students are unparalleled divine beings who I’m sharing some moments with! We are overlapping souls. Learning English is an excuse to have these sacred interactions.

So when the persistent hiccups in the lesson plan and equipment glitches happen, freaking out isn’t very useful!

Teaching English to international students or traveling to another country to teach is a great way to remind myself that these interactions are precious miracles of space and time. The fact that we are together is this window in time is an undeniably brief encounter.

Take that same awe and apply it to all interactions, whether it’s a cross-cultural interaction with a visitor from afar or a day-to-day interaction with your family.

 


 

Exercises

  • Think of times you have been able to improve a situation with a shift from doing to being. Perhaps you changed the mood or a frustrating situation by being funny, calm, or grateful.
  • How about times when you weren’t able to have something you’d planned on. Have you been able to shift things for the better by being compassionate, understanding or humorous?
  • When you feel a sense of panic rising, ask yourself: Am I focusing on: Having, Doing or Being?  Can I focus on Being? How would that change how I act and how I treat myself and others?
  • What part of your day is often stressful? Can you shift your focus from Having or Doing, to Being? See if it opens up a window for being successful and content at that most important level of life: love.

We are

“human beings”,

not

“human doings”.

Ch05 No Waiting

You’re standing in line at the grocery store, and once again, you managed to pick the slowest one. You tap your foot, check the time, look behind you and worry about other lines moving more quickly than yours. You’re stuck waiting and there’s nothing you can do. “Arrghh! Just my luck!”, you mutter.

Once in a blue moon, you luck out. You hear the announcement, “No waiting in Line 1.” Yes!!! And now you’re so happy!

With just the tiniest shift in perspective, you could experience this same ‘no waiting’ bliss, anytime, anywhere.

But, first, consider how much of your time is spent waiting.

There are the little things that happen every day. We wait:

  • for the bus
  • in line at the store
  • for a light to change
  • for the bell to ring
  • for break time
  • for a friend to arrive
  • for someone to leave

The feeling of waiting is usually drenched in frustration, irritation and berating ourselves and others. This feeling of being ‘stuck’ is not pleasant!

But, if you are already there, and if Being is the most important thing, what is ‘waiting’? You are somewhere… Being, always.

Waiting is not a less valuable time than any other time. It presents us with all the opportunities to challenge ourselves, accept reality and be peaceful and compassionate…with ourselves or others.

And while your days are dotted with tiny waiting events, a lifetime may appear to be gouged with chunks of months or years of waiting.

It’s no wonder that “waiting” is so deeply ingrained in our perspective. We’ve been doing this since we were small children.

Wow, I can’t wait! Life will be great when…

  • I can ride the bus to school!
  • I get to play on the big kids playground!
  • I’m tall enough to ride the roller coaster!
  • I can drive!
  • I graduate from high school!

Aha, what about right now? Aren’t these those days you were waiting for, not too long ago!

So, what are you waiting for now? A job? A new love? A child to be born? A child to move out? A project to be completed? Or started? Better friends? A promotion? A better schedule? Someone to notice your achievements?

Now is Good Enough for Me

The feeling of waiting is based on deciding that now is somehow not good enough, and that some time in the future will be better. Waiting only happens when there is a lack of gratitude for the present.

Every day is good enough. Every day is filled with challenges and frustrations, amazingly beautiful easy moments and confusing, difficult puzzles. That’s life! Don’t wait for it to change!

Now is the Perfect Time

If you’re ready to stop waiting, consider how can you transform these days into precious moments of Being. Of  Being something special. Finish the sentence:

“Now is the perfect time to…”

For example, if you are waiting for a child in your life, this is a good time to do no-kid things like work strange hours, travel and go out at night!

If you’re waiting for a kid to grow up, this is a good time to do kid things. Think about it. You’re going to look creepy going to KiddieLand, riding the little boats and ringing the bell if you’re alone! So enjoy it with your little kids.

Instead of feeling like you’re waiting for something, remember that you are already here! You have already arrived! Do now, what you’d been waiting to do! Be now, what you’ve been waiting to be!

If you are alone and waiting for a partner to come into your life, use this time to tune in to your inner state. Pour on the gratitude and feel yourself filled with peace. Take bubble baths. Crank up the music you love! Now is the time to take that art class, start an exercise program or catch up on your reading. Find ways to enjoy being yourself, without relying on others to cheer you up.

If your life is overflowing with the demands of others, now is the time to bask in their company. Soon enough, this situation will change. Consider how you can be compassionate, joyful, and peaceful in your interactions. What creative solutions can I bring to how I relate to others? Now is the perfect time to develop the skills of managing the balance between nurturing self and others in a hectic situation.

Making a Mini-Oasis

In 2010, I was teaching English to adults in Korea. Most of the teachers and students rushed to arrive just before the 6:50 am starting time. One month, my classroom changed so as I ran to class, I’d pass the classroom of my friend and fellow teacher, Eun Ha.

She taught beginners that were taking their first timid step into conversational English class. Instead of arriving in the nick of time, Eun Ha arrived early so she had about 15 minutes of free time before class.

She spent that time sitting in her class with any students that arrived early. She asked them their music preferences, and searched for tunes that she and her students liked. She and the students could be heard chatting and laughing, with music in the background most mornings.

On our way rushing up the stairs, other teachers and I found it irresistible to pass the room without stopping in. I’d greet teacher and students, and bounce off to class energized. Later I found out that many of her students had rarely if ever talked to a ‘foreigner’ before.

Her carefully designed 15-minutes prior to class helped instill confidence in her beginner speakers, helped her enjoy her morning, and boosted the spirits of all of us who passed.

This is a masterful way to transform the few minutes before class into the ‘no waiting’ bliss of Being!!

Exercises

  • Tomorrow, notice how many times you feel that you are stuck waiting for a few minutes here and there. Make a list of these times. Then consider how you can shift your perspective to fully enjoy these moments. Can you transform a few minutes delay into a mini-vacation?
  • Past: “I’m waiting for…” Big Things List

The next day, think about the Big Things in your past. Make a list of all those things that you now have or do…things that you once waited for. Review your list. Consider, did these things make your life happier or easier? If yes, then you can be grateful. If no, then is it wise to pin your future happiness on other similar goals?

  • Current: “I’m waiting for” Big Things List

The next day, make a list of the things you are now waiting for in the bigger scheme of life. For each item on the list, consider, did any of these items have similar versions in the past, that you have already completed?

  • The Perfect Time

The fourth day, ask yourself, is it possible to view this period as that ‘perfect time’ in your life? Is there something unique about this time, that allows you to Be alone or with others in a special way? Brainstorm ways that you can feel blissful about this time of your life.

“It’s not uncommon for people to spend their whole life

waiting to start living.”

- Eckhart Tolle

Ch04 Anger Has No Value

Everyone knows the Dalai Lama.

So, I was surprised how I reacted when I read a passage in his book, How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life:

“Anger is not necessary. It has no value.”

My first reaction was that it really pissed me off!

How dare he say that!

After all, how can someone judge someone else’s life? How can he, not knowing me or anyone, know what situations we face in a day? How frustrating life can be. How difficult people swoop in and mess up our plans, our days and our lives.

But, really, it’s hard to stay on this self-righteous path very long when you’re comparing yourself to the Dalai Lama. Most of us know the general outline of his life. As the spiritual leader of Tibet from a young age, he witnessed the brutality firsthand as his community of monks was killed, tortured and exiled. Yet, he lives his life with the singular purpose spreading the message of forgiveness and peace.

And he says, without hesitation:

“Anger is not necessary. It has no value.”

Anger: What Regrets Are Made Of

What I know is that those times I did get angry, I remember. And I regret.

I pride myself on being a kind teacher. Even on Monday mornings, even when I’m not feeling well, my goal is to bring it!

But on one day, I lost it. An adult student was repeatedly disrupting the class. I told him strongly to leave, “Get out”. He didn’t budge. I’d never experienced that kind of reaction in my years of teaching adults. Kids yeah, but not adults.

He didn’t. I pointed to the door, and stood firmly and said it again, louder, and still he sat.

Then, I yelled, “Get the *#$@ out of my class!”

In that one moment, I did so much damage. The days, weeks, months of teaching, planning and caring flew out the window with that one three-second outburst. I lost my hallmark.

Over the next few weeks, I studied that incident. I realized that even on days when I meditated, ate right, rested well and prepared to my best ability, I was occasionally still losing my cool: yelling or letting a (less remarkable) curse word fly.

The thing is, I’m kind of a hard-ass in class. I’m a stickler about being on time and following the rules. This has worked well for me and most of my students. But it didn’t work at that school. I was just taking everything way too seriously for that school, in general.

I could have blamed it on the students, the class size, the school policies or something else. But the point is, my behavior is my responsibility. I realized that that position wasn’t right for me, and I quit. I found a new position at a more academically-oriented school, and it was a good fit.

Forgivable, but not Forgettable

When we look back at our lives, these moments of anger are permanent dents in our track record. They can be smoothed over, forgiven, and even a stepping stone to something better, but they are rarely forgotten.

It’s better to give up the idea that anger is necessary or useful. Instead, let’s figure out where it’s popping up and how to avoid it in the future.

Exercises

  • Think back over your life and recall moments of anger by you or someone near you. Did anger help that situation?
  • Tomorrow, notice if there is a time when you get angry. Notice if you are near others who are angry.
  • What is the reason for the anger?
  • Is it a ‘good’ reason?
  • What would be a ‘good reason’ to get angry?
  • When is anger a valid response?
  • How does anger improve the situation? Does it?

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”

– Chinese Proverb

Popcorn and movies don’t go together

There was something about eating at the movies that seemed like a free pass. At home, there’s no way I would have made myself a huge bucket of popcorn and poured artificially-colored yellow motor oil on it. (Buckets at home were used for cleaning up …the other way.) And at home I never conjured a 2-quart bucket-ette of Coca-Cola, or sat down with a box of Red Vines for myself.

I also never ate Good & Plenty’s anywhere but the theatre. And I never bought huge, expensive but surprisingly empty boxes of Raisinettes, except there. And as theater movie evolved, I’d try just about anything. Rolo ice cream. Nachos, you name it.

Paying exorbitant prices for it and eating it in the dark, in my mind, somehow paid the price up front. So, I didn’t think about the calories or crappy ingredients. I settled into my seat in the dark, and ate and ate and drank without thinking about it. It was magical.

That is, until I joined a weight loss support group (PRISM).

In that program we committed to eating only nutritious food, in various phases and stages. And we wrote down everything we ate and computed the caloric and other values. Really, it was the other way around. We computed the calories, then decided what to eat.

At first, this totally ruined the moviegoing experience for me. Knowing that I couldn’t eat all that stuff and having been so conditioned to do it, I couldn’t concentrate on the movie itself. I kept looking around for something to stuff in my mouth or sip on. At first.

But about halfway through the first movie, I realized that this new way was not a prison. It was freedom.

How many times have you been biting into a warm, gooey snack just as they pan to the scene of the recently found murder victim. Ewwwww!

Or, the vampire is sucking blood from her neck, just as you realize the last sip on your straw is the icy bottom of your monster Sprite.  Eck!

Without food in the movie theater, the experience is refreshingly about seeing the movie.

This is what doing things mindfully means. It’s not a preachy, boring way to live. It’s the opposite. It’s the liberated, totally alive way to experience what you’re actually doing. Sure, have a little food just for fun now and then. But as a way of life, it’s not very fulfilling. (Just filling!)

I was almost a little upset with peacemaker Thich Nhat Hanh, the prolific Buddhist monk. He wrote the book (with Dr. Lilian Cheungh) that I wanted to write next:

Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life

I’m okay with it though, haha! It’s a message that can’t be stated enough or in too many ways.

Eating mindfully is part of our spiritual path. That means when we’re noticing what the heck we’re eating, we’re going to make better choices for ourselves and the planet. And you’re going to avoid any more of those moments when blood is dripping on the  screen, just as a glop of nacho cheese lands on your chin.

Ch29 Choose Inner Peace and Fun!

At the beginning of this book, I asked you to think about how you would define a successful life.

 

Now, I hope you will see that whatever your definition of success is, it rests on a foundation of, or is perhaps entirely replaced by, Inner Peace.

 

By now you have a taste of the fun part of this transformation. It is that we can immediately eliminate the futile efforts that we’ve been accustomed to: all the worrying, being afraid, creating chaos, and wishing things were different. None of that ever worked, anyhow, but it was a huge energy drain. By giving that all up, you will feel jubilant and lighter instantly.

 

Accepting that we are already everything we need to be is the first step. We are: at our core, we are all Love, Peace and Joy.  All of this is waiting inside of us, it’s a simple, but steady job to stay connected to it.

 

Realizing that it is human nature to forget that or to block it is the second step.

 

Deciding that you can tune in to your own state of inner peace, and take the responsibility to maintain it is the third step.

 

To get there, we must be committed to becoming students of life: our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. We can learn from ancient principles, modern teachers, and from the stillness within. We must practice, practice, practice. Like we undertake our workout plan or regular cleaning projects, we have to keep coming back to build strength or flexibility, or tidy things up.

 

The reward is well worth the continual effort, when you realize that Inner Peace is always within your grasp. The subtle shift from always looking outward to instead looking gently inward is the key.

 

I hope you will agree that Tuning in to Inner Peace IS the Surprisingly Fun Way to Transform Your Life!

 

“Each one has to find his peace from within.

And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

 

 

Ch28 We are Infinite, Connected and Have Big Paws

Not content just sitting in the house or chasing other cats, Pickles always said, “I have big paws. I want to do big things.” When he was adopted by the Firehouse, he learned new skills and finally his dreams came true.

- summary of the storybook The Fire Cat

 

It is only our small thinking that keeps us from the experiencing the joy that is always available.

 

If we believe we are small, separate and finite, then sure, we can have conflicts and get hurt. We can suffer loss. We can hate. We can hold a grudge. We can be outraged. Despair, fear, anger, sadness, grief …all of these feelings are enabled by our view of ourselves.

 

But if we give up this line of thinking, all of that pain drops away. We simply need to accept that we are infinite, connected and big!

 

If we accept that we are infinite, we aren’t confined by the time-space continuum and again, a whole host of suffering falls away.

 

My dad was awesome when he was alive. He still is awesome. I only gained from him. I never lost him.

 

Similarly, my value to you or anyone is not that I will be physically with you every day. But instead it is the way I talk to you, the way I treat you and how that feels to you. If it’s love you feel (as I intend!), then that instance of love can somehow remind and inspire us that love is our true nature. Love is not finite or perishable.

 

I don’t worry about how my family and friends will do when I die. Instead, I know that, like my dad, my essence doesn’t die with my body.

 

The important part of anyone goes on, so there is nothing to lose.

 

 

If we accept that we are all connected, there is suddenly no one to have a conflict with. Misunderstandings, certainly. War, hatred, spitefulness …no.

 

I mistakenly wandered into a workshop years ago. I thought it was about stargazing and constellations, but it was instead about family constellations. In the first few minutes, when the leader was introducing the topic, he made a statement matter-of-factly. He said, “I am my mother. My mother is me. I am my father. My father is me. Until you can accept this, you will live a conflicted life.”

 

Well that was enough to convince me that the leader was crazy! And I slipped out of the workshop. But those words haunted me. I couldn’t say that without stirring up inner turmoil.

 

Yet, I couldn’t come up with a good argument of why what he said was wrong. Because deep down, a part of me knew he was right. Believing that we are separate and need to bicker and disagree is less true than the fact that we are alike and can learn to love each other and ourselves.

“I am my mother. My mother is me.”

 

As I traveled, there were many moments when I felt isolated. Left unchecked, I’d spin a tale of woe. But, I could quickly quell this feeling, by accepting that we are all connected. In a moment of stillness, I connect to that truth I knew as a little kid. People around the world are more alike, than different. From that basis, I can see that we are all doing our best, doing basically the same thing with a different set of conditions and conditioning.

 

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”

- Bob Marley

 

Finally, if we accept our Bigness, life is going to be more fun! If we think we are a menial cog in the wheels of some big machine, or an accident of nature, then we’ll accept a life that is on par with that view. If you think we have to scratch out a meager existence to simply survive, your life will likely feel like a grueling, neverending rerun of an unremarkable day. (Think the movie, “Groundhog Day”.)

 

If instead, we accept that the sheer fact that we are alive is a huge miracle, we can have fun with this experiment we call life! Accept that your unique combination of background, upbringing, body, skills and friends make you a powerhouse. You can see things in a way no one else can. You can pull things together that no one else can. Your place here is to do something amazing.

 

When you own your Bigness you’ll see it coming to fruition. You’re sitting talking with someone, and suddenly they realize something. They remove a block in their path. You’ve just scored one point for spiritual evolution. And in this moment, you realize maybe no one else could have done this. And it was just you, being you. Authentically.

 

Knowing that you have an important, unique part to play in this big game of spiritual evolution, now, this is going to be fun! Accepting your Bigness means taking the challenge of being the superhero of your own life.

 

Don’t curse your fate and consider the situation to be bad luck. Instead congratulate yourself on your progress so far on the bizarre training course which is your life. Know that you are preparing for a purpose yet-to-be-announced!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercises

  • Are you grieving the loss of someone who has died or moved away? Are there ways that you still feel connected? What feels truer to you: that you lost someone or that you are fortunate to have known them?  Is it a stretch to say that the essence of that person is infinite? Or, that you are?
  • Have you felt a deep connection with someone you’ve never met: children from another country, an artisan of a piece of pottery, a songwriter or someone in a photo? Does it feel natural or strange?
  • When you think, “I am my mother. My mother is me.”, how do you feel? Is there a valid reason, you can’t accept that?
  • Sketch out a path of your life. Notice the unique conditions that have shaped you. Did you initially consider some of these paths to be mistakes, but later saw some value in them?
  • Think of examples of insights you have had that have escaped others. Think of people whose lives you have touched profoundly.
  • What ‘big’ things have you done in life that have surprised you or others?

 

“You are the universe, expressing itself as a human, for a little while.”

- Eckhart Tolle

 

Ch30 Appendix: Resources and Inspirations

Here is a sample of favorite inspirational teachers that took me by the hand and guided me. On your journey, reach out to these and other authors, support groups and classes that fit your life! Find a teacher who was learned to overcome the problems that you want to solve.

These writers have helped me learn what my inner circle of family and friends mostly did not know, or else, we all began learning together. These authors have written several books each. I list one or two of the more well-known titles, but peruse and you may find something that more directly suits you.

Louise Hay

You Can Heal Your Life

101 Power Thoughts

Lack of self love is the root of all of our problems, Louise explains. Her sweet voice comes through in her stories, affirmations and insights, like that wise, loving older sister we could all benefit from. For a simple overall affirmation series, listen to 101 Power Thoughts morning and night.

Byron Katie

Loving What Is

I Need Your Love, Is it True?

Ms. Katie provides four simple questions to help us unravel the rationale we use to make ourselves miserable! Listen to the audio to hear real-life examples of how this process works. This is a simple system you can apply daily to help you laugh at your serious side, and enjoy life more.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life

Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series

Jon Kabat-Zinn has a way of writing and talking to beginners in a manner that is inviting and convincing. Try a slim book or an audio CD. If ‘meditation’ sounds too daunting, try a book on ‘mindfulness’ for starters.

Melody Beattie

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself

This is one of those books I listened to in my car. I laughed so hard as Beattie described standard manipulation and guilt tactics that we often use, but are ineffective and often damaging. The humorous part is that I never realized I was doing it, that I could stop, or how much fun life would be without it. I came across this as part of my Al-Anon work, but would recommend it to anyone. As kids, we are all dependent. Maturing and becoming interdependent adults, rather than codependent, usually requires some conscientious retraining. This and other books by Beattie are spot on!

Cyndi Dale

The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy

Did you know that cultures around the world have remarkably similar descriptions of the human body’s subtle system? Call it chakras or meridians. Use Kabbalah or native American terminology, but cultures agree that there is more to our health than meets the eye. This illustrated book is stunning in its breadth, insights and beauty.

Dr. Daniel Amen

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

Dr. Amen’s many books give you a glimpse into how our brain works. His approach is to consider faulty brains, in the same non-judgmental way we’d consider someone with tennis elbow, or a persistent slight limp. Brain issues are often fixable and can be the root cause of many problems in your life.

Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now

A New Earth

After sitting on park benches for a couple years, Mr. Tolle finally understood something that he’d been missing in his earlier life. Eckhart Tolle shares his insights about how the only time we ever have is right now. If you’re not a big fan of self-help books, try Guardians of Being, the book that combines pet illustrations from Mutts comic strip artist with Tolle quotes. Learning the power of now from dogs and cats might be our most direct route!

 

His Holiness the Dalai Lama

How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life

How to See Yourself as You Really Are

The Dalai Lama, winner of the 1989 Nobel Peace Prize, has written dozens of books that relate Buddhist teachings to the social ills of modern Western society. The Dalai Lama retains that joyful, little-kid way of relating to people that is irresistible to me.

 

 

Pema Chodron

How to Meditate with Pema Chodron: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind

Did you know that when people first try to meditate, instead of quieting their thoughts, it’s common for people to curse themselves and get angry about it! Well, this is obviously the wrong reaction. Pema Chodron talks about this and instructs beginners to go for gentle amusement rather than any level of achievement. Her voice reflects this. Try an audio CD and hang out with Pema, to experience it yourself.

 

Thich Nhat Hanh

Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life

Thich Nhat Hanh has written 100 books, and 40 available in English, so you have many to choose from! He has great ways to show how to experience deep meditative ways in everyday experiences: walking, in the garden or at mealtime. In addition, he writes directly to children, and about social work andenvironmentalism as different aspects of mindful living. Savor, with Dr. Lilian Cheung, makes the  link between eating and mindfulness.

Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks

Attracting Authentic Love

This pocket-sized book and audio present an easy way to get yourself ready for a mature, healthy relationship. It gives you a solid foundation for authentic love through: listening to your body, clearing conditioning from your past, and considering what factors a healthy partner needs.

David Richo

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

Richo presents an approach that feels calm and encouraging. As a Buddhist, marriage counselor, he gives examples of how couples tend to recreate the circumstances of our childhood, and how to accept that and work through that and evolve with your partner. His five A’s system recommends that loving relationships need: Attention, Appreciation, Affection, Allowing, and Acceptance. Would your partner be up for working through this (or a similar book) with you?

Shakti Gawain

Creative Visualization

Living in the Light

It was from reading Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization that I solved a recurring afternoon problem I had with my toddler, years ago. This was my first taste of learning a skill from an author, that my friends and family didn’t know. Shakti Gawain has continued to write helpful, insightful books on healing, energy, grief and living large spiritually.

And you?

When will you

begin that

long journey

into

yourself?

- Rumi

 

Most  of these are included in my Amazon.com Listmania List:

http://www.amazon.com/Books-that-help-you-Tune-In-to-Inner-Peace-Transform-and-Enjoy-Life/lm/R2OK9DCKXN7O47/ref=cm_srch_res_rpli_alt_1

Mindfulness Tip: Stand Tall

You can literally shake off worries about the past and hurrying into the future, by making a quick adjustment of your posture. Stand up straight and you’ll suddenly notice where you are and who and what are in front of you. Stand tall and take a refreshing break from your thoughts, anytime. (This also works if you’re sitting trying to meditate. Slouching will naturally lead to worry. Sit up and enjoy a few seconds of bliss.)

 

Beauty is Inner Peace!