Category Archives: Teaching English

After working a long time as an engineer, I decided to go full-time teaching English. Here are my experiences living in South Korea (Busan 2010 and Jeju 2011) and Saudi Arabia (Nov-Dec 2011), and teaching in my hometown of Denver, Colorado USA! My philosphy …love your students!

Poem: Love is the Subject

2010-12-20 Writing Class

English

Science

Calculus

Class

Just

An excuse.

Love is the subject

–

About the poem:

I know now that teaching is just an excuse to hang out with cool people. It’s a precious opportunity to love them and be loved. Realizing that love is a teacher’s top priority makes things richer, clearer. It’s similar to how shooting hoops with friends is not really about winning the game of H-O-R-S-E; it’s about spending fun, important, bonding time with friends.

When a student enrolls in class, the end goal is to have a good life …one filled with love and purpose. But, if our focus is love, appreciation and encouragement, we can deliver that moment, now!

About the author:

Joan just really, really hopes you figure out how to enjoy your life before it’s over. She writes books and blogs about this very important, fun topic!

Poem: Supposes …invented yoga poses! Fanciful ideas from my Korean students

The seal, the seagull

The chick, the turtle

The monkey, the hamster

The keyhole, the vampire

The apple, the  screwdriver

The car, the middle finger

The bear, the ruler

The battleship cruiser

The umbrella, the scissors

The fox and praying mantis

The quarter note of music

The hydra and the mushroom

The hula hoop, the jellyfish

The zombie and the dolphin

The banana, the spider

The white tiger

The boomerang, the heart

The elephant, the hippo

Kung-fu and the butterfly

The dragon and the dragonfly

Levitation and the box

Finally, the question mark

With a hop to make the dot!

–

About the poem:

I taught yoga for the first time to my English classes in Samcheonpo, South Korea. At the end of class, I asked them to invent a new yoga pose. They instantly came up with dozens of new poses I’d never imagined! I appreciate ancient wisdom, but what the heck, wouldn’t this be a fun way to keep a yoga class from getting dull? So creative!

–

About the author:

Joan Gregerson believes life should be fun, but we just forgot how to do it. Kids are often wiser than we are, when it comes to simply enjoying the moment. Joan writes books and blogs about inner peace and enjoying life.

 

 

 

Hanging out …can you be content doing nothing?

The most powerful thing we can do is be 100% present in our interactions with each other. Unhurried. Open to the moment and each other. Be, rather than, Do.

Hanging Around

Rare chance to play outside with my students. Here we are on our field trip ‘observing’ cherry blossoms.

“I like being prepared” …a chaos buster!

Last year, I was in a meeting where one member recounted how another was such a good person to work with. He said it was because she was always so prepared, and she chimed in, “I like being prepared.”

The speaker said he began using that motto, not only in his work, but in his way of living. Before he met someone, he tried to be prepared. If he saw someone walking toward him, he quickly tried to be mentally prepared to be able to greet the person kindly, to focus on the person, and not be distracted by other concerns.

Wow, I totally agree with this approach. Especially, when it comes to greeting people or beginning a class or a meeting. I want to look forward to that interaction.

But, what I hadn’t acknowledged before, was that in my work, yes, I too like to be prepared! 

I realized that I tend to take on too much, so have gotten better at limiting my “To Do List”. Or laughing at it!

But, I realized that for me to feel comfortable, I do enjoy being prepared and thus enjoy preparing!  It is a kick-ass chaos buster!

For example, whereas the previous teacher in this position took 1-2 hours per week for planning, I take 4-5 hours. I tried with fewer hours, but all week I was fumbling for enough activities to meet the ever-changing class composition and last-minute shifts. Instead of cursing those, I figured out that those are ‘normal’, so by preparing more options, I’m able to teach something fun, comfortably …no matter what!

So, making the extra effort to be prepared is an important part of being able to be peaceful, joyful and comfortable when class after class of kids wander into my room. When I’m prepared, I can meet them excitedly knowing we will have fun in the coming hour.

In the past few weeks, I had another example of this. I decided to participate in an Open Mic event to perform some of my poetry. I had only done this one previous time, on the spur of the moment that time, so I know I’m really a beginner.

So, even though the time slot was just 7 to 12 minutes, I spent weeks preparing. I memorized about eight poems, though I knew I’d have time for only about four. I translated one into Korean so it wouldn’t be all English … here in Korea! I practiced some of the poems with different friends and got great insights about the importance of giving some background and connecting to the listener.

As a result of all that preparation, I wasn’t stressed out that day. When my name came up as the last of 15 poets, I felt calm and happy. I had fun, and think the audience did too.

I used to really rebel against that extra effort, but now I can welcome it:

  • as part of my way to enjoy life,
  • as an effective chaos crusher,
  • as part of my spiritual path, and
  • as a way to inner peace!

Yep, I like being prepared! 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

By spending a few extra hours of prep time, I’m ready for anything all week long! And last minute schedule changes don’t bother me!

Teaching the Macarena and brainstorming Samcheonpo Style

We have a short week, just Thursday and Friday, so I wanted to do something fun. Everyone here knows Gangnam Style ….hmmm what to do?

I decided to teach the Macarena to my elementary and middle school classes. I figured it would be a hit with the girls, but wasn’t sure how the boys would handle it. Luckily, after their initial groans, they got into it! Loved how the guys made a line dance of it and were better at it than me!

I showed a couple youtube videos including one of some elementary girls performing for a talent show. It was interesting to learn that a couple of them had performed in talent shows: playing musical instruments and doing a skit. When I asked if they ever wanted to perform, one said yes as a musician and another said no, but later admitted he would be okay being on TV as a professional soccer player.

Then we brainstormed, if we made a music video about our small town of Samcheonpo, what scenes would it have. They each had to sketch four ideas just using stick figures. Haha, so funny! Some unique ideas:

- A new line to replace “Hey Sexy Lady” … “Hey Fishy Lady” as the fisherman pulls in his net

- a guy diving off the bridge to his death, so the dance move is a dive

- crossing the crosswalk and getting hit by a car (…blood and knives are favorite highlights of the middle school boys drawings!)

- kangaroo dance. why? no idea!

- playground scene, elevator scene, fishing boat scene

This class reminded me that I don’t need to do hours of prep, but I do need to be a little brave to try things that may fail. But may pay off in getting all of us to take risks: moving, being creative and laughing a lot!

I used other videos to teach the dance, but here’s the original Macarena. It’s great in the variety of dancers and energy!

Teaching = Loving

I’m a teacher, but I’m not a perfect teacher.

But, oh how I love my students! This week I had the privilege of teaching students from Korea, Columbia, Japan, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia and Brazil.

It’s pretty hard to juggle cultures, personalities, grammar rules, school policies, and my perceptions and skills. So, I drop the ball. I make mistakes. Lots of them.

Yet, I do best when I focus on being loving first and foremost. Sure, we work diligently to teach the subject matter at hand, but we do this best when we decide wholeheartedly to: Love Our Students

Ch26 Being, then Doing, and Having

What is it about camping that’s appealing? Why put up with mosquitoes, rocks under sleeping bags and wet clothes? Or if camping isn’t your thing, how about simply watching a sunset?

When you’re in these settings, you’re removed from the comforts you have worked so hard to surround yourself with. At home, you may identify with the size of your house, the location, or the stuff in it. Out and about, maybe it’s the car or what you’re wearing. Surrounded by stuff, it’s easy to focus on ‘Having’.

But, without a television, comfy leather couch, gourmet carrot peeler, or soft bed, you are forced to shift your focus. Activities with less stuff naturally direct our attention away from Having, to more profound levels.

Moving beyond a focus on materials things, the next level is Doing. Making a to-do list and ticking items off, you’re focused on Doing. And yes, doing is important. But if you do activities mindlessly, rushed or begrudgingly, you’re not Doing your best.

When you focus on Having and Doing, it’s easy to feel that you can’t succeed. You don’t have the right materials or you can’t accomplish everything you set out to do. So, you feel like you’re failing. And what naturally follows are feelings of low self-worth, and berating yourself or others who expect more of you than you can do.

But, no matter what you have or do, you can always Be your best. When you focus on Being you savor the interaction or time spent alone. You tune in to the impermanence of what is before you right now. You feel honored to have this sacred moment and grateful for the divine beings in your presence.

Shakti Gawain explains this elegantly.

“We can think of living having three dimensions: being, doing, and having. Often we attempt to live our lives backwards. We try to have more money in order to feel we can do more of what we want, so we can be happier. The way it actually works is the revers. We must first be who we really are, then do what we feel guided to do, in order to have what we want.”

Being

Easy ways to shift your attention include focusing on Being:

  • Being calm
  • Being compassionate
  • Being understanding
  • Being here
  • Being in awe
  • Being grateful
  • Being humble
  • Being authentic
  • Being funny

Whoa, sounds kind of fruity, kind of floaty, right? How does it work in the hectic pace of real life?

Example: ‘Being’ in the Classroom

I’m a teacher. I have an ideal in mind of what my students need to flourish: a comfortable classroom with natural daylighting, whiteboard with colorful markers, a computer and internet, ample space and supplies for each student, and the list can go on. But, it’s rare to actually have all of these. Attention on this level is a focus on ‘Having’.

But, what do we do in class? Teachers design lesson plans to achieve the goals set out for each class. In designing these activities, there is a lot I’d like to know: my students’ strengths and needs, and understanding their culture, research about the best ways to teach the materials, more games to make it fun, and the list goes on. As dedicated and creative as I am, I can always think of more to do.

I walk into class with a lesson plan, with an aim to achieve the goals I’ve set for the class. A teacher that focuses on this level is focusing on ‘Doing’.

Students may suspect, but teachers know, that classes rarely go as planned! The students unexpectedly struggle with a basic concept or whiz through a complicated activity. The teacher tries to adjust on the fly, and can’t always Do enough to keep on track for completing tasks and achieving learning goals.

But when I can hold onto the concept that Being is the most important level, I have a better chance of success!

There’s always more that we could have or do. But Being my best only requires that I am open and willing to experience my students fully. At my best, I am reminded that my students are unparalleled divine beings who I’m sharing some moments with! We are overlapping souls. Learning English is an excuse to have these sacred interactions.

So when the persistent hiccups in the lesson plan and equipment glitches happen, freaking out isn’t very useful!

Teaching English to international students or traveling to another country to teach is a great way to remind myself that these interactions are precious miracles of space and time. The fact that we are together is this window in time is an undeniably brief encounter.

Take that same awe and apply it to all interactions, whether it’s a cross-cultural interaction with a visitor from afar or a day-to-day interaction with your family.

 


 

Exercises

  • Think of times you have been able to improve a situation with a shift from doing to being. Perhaps you changed the mood or a frustrating situation by being funny, calm, or grateful.
  • How about times when you weren’t able to have something you’d planned on. Have you been able to shift things for the better by being compassionate, understanding or humorous?
  • When you feel a sense of panic rising, ask yourself: Am I focusing on: Having, Doing or Being?  Can I focus on Being? How would that change how I act and how I treat myself and others?
  • What part of your day is often stressful? Can you shift your focus from Having or Doing, to Being? See if it opens up a window for being successful and content at that most important level of life: love.

We are

“human beings”,

not

“human doings”.

Ch05 No Waiting

You’re standing in line at the grocery store, and once again, you managed to pick the slowest one. You tap your foot, check the time, look behind you and worry about other lines moving more quickly than yours. You’re stuck waiting and there’s nothing you can do. “Arrghh! Just my luck!”, you mutter.

Once in a blue moon, you luck out. You hear the announcement, “No waiting in Line 1.” Yes!!! And now you’re so happy!

With just the tiniest shift in perspective, you could experience this same ‘no waiting’ bliss, anytime, anywhere.

But, first, consider how much of your time is spent waiting.

There are the little things that happen every day. We wait:

  • for the bus
  • in line at the store
  • for a light to change
  • for the bell to ring
  • for break time
  • for a friend to arrive
  • for someone to leave

The feeling of waiting is usually drenched in frustration, irritation and berating ourselves and others. This feeling of being ‘stuck’ is not pleasant!

But, if you are already there, and if Being is the most important thing, what is ‘waiting’? You are somewhere… Being, always.

Waiting is not a less valuable time than any other time. It presents us with all the opportunities to challenge ourselves, accept reality and be peaceful and compassionate…with ourselves or others.

And while your days are dotted with tiny waiting events, a lifetime may appear to be gouged with chunks of months or years of waiting.

It’s no wonder that “waiting” is so deeply ingrained in our perspective. We’ve been doing this since we were small children.

Wow, I can’t wait! Life will be great when…

  • I can ride the bus to school!
  • I get to play on the big kids playground!
  • I’m tall enough to ride the roller coaster!
  • I can drive!
  • I graduate from high school!

Aha, what about right now? Aren’t these those days you were waiting for, not too long ago!

So, what are you waiting for now? A job? A new love? A child to be born? A child to move out? A project to be completed? Or started? Better friends? A promotion? A better schedule? Someone to notice your achievements?

Now is Good Enough for Me

The feeling of waiting is based on deciding that now is somehow not good enough, and that some time in the future will be better. Waiting only happens when there is a lack of gratitude for the present.

Every day is good enough. Every day is filled with challenges and frustrations, amazingly beautiful easy moments and confusing, difficult puzzles. That’s life! Don’t wait for it to change!

Now is the Perfect Time

If you’re ready to stop waiting, consider how can you transform these days into precious moments of Being. Of  Being something special. Finish the sentence:

“Now is the perfect time to…”

For example, if you are waiting for a child in your life, this is a good time to do no-kid things like work strange hours, travel and go out at night!

If you’re waiting for a kid to grow up, this is a good time to do kid things. Think about it. You’re going to look creepy going to KiddieLand, riding the little boats and ringing the bell if you’re alone! So enjoy it with your little kids.

Instead of feeling like you’re waiting for something, remember that you are already here! You have already arrived! Do now, what you’d been waiting to do! Be now, what you’ve been waiting to be!

If you are alone and waiting for a partner to come into your life, use this time to tune in to your inner state. Pour on the gratitude and feel yourself filled with peace. Take bubble baths. Crank up the music you love! Now is the time to take that art class, start an exercise program or catch up on your reading. Find ways to enjoy being yourself, without relying on others to cheer you up.

If your life is overflowing with the demands of others, now is the time to bask in their company. Soon enough, this situation will change. Consider how you can be compassionate, joyful, and peaceful in your interactions. What creative solutions can I bring to how I relate to others? Now is the perfect time to develop the skills of managing the balance between nurturing self and others in a hectic situation.

Making a Mini-Oasis

In 2010, I was teaching English to adults in Korea. Most of the teachers and students rushed to arrive just before the 6:50 am starting time. One month, my classroom changed so as I ran to class, I’d pass the classroom of my friend and fellow teacher, Eun Ha.

She taught beginners that were taking their first timid step into conversational English class. Instead of arriving in the nick of time, Eun Ha arrived early so she had about 15 minutes of free time before class.

She spent that time sitting in her class with any students that arrived early. She asked them their music preferences, and searched for tunes that she and her students liked. She and the students could be heard chatting and laughing, with music in the background most mornings.

On our way rushing up the stairs, other teachers and I found it irresistible to pass the room without stopping in. I’d greet teacher and students, and bounce off to class energized. Later I found out that many of her students had rarely if ever talked to a ‘foreigner’ before.

Her carefully designed 15-minutes prior to class helped instill confidence in her beginner speakers, helped her enjoy her morning, and boosted the spirits of all of us who passed.

This is a masterful way to transform the few minutes before class into the ‘no waiting’ bliss of Being!!

Exercises

  • Tomorrow, notice how many times you feel that you are stuck waiting for a few minutes here and there. Make a list of these times. Then consider how you can shift your perspective to fully enjoy these moments. Can you transform a few minutes delay into a mini-vacation?
  • Past: “I’m waiting for…” Big Things List

The next day, think about the Big Things in your past. Make a list of all those things that you now have or do…things that you once waited for. Review your list. Consider, did these things make your life happier or easier? If yes, then you can be grateful. If no, then is it wise to pin your future happiness on other similar goals?

  • Current: “I’m waiting for” Big Things List

The next day, make a list of the things you are now waiting for in the bigger scheme of life. For each item on the list, consider, did any of these items have similar versions in the past, that you have already completed?

  • The Perfect Time

The fourth day, ask yourself, is it possible to view this period as that ‘perfect time’ in your life? Is there something unique about this time, that allows you to Be alone or with others in a special way? Brainstorm ways that you can feel blissful about this time of your life.

“It’s not uncommon for people to spend their whole life

waiting to start living.”

- Eckhart Tolle

Ch04 Anger Has No Value

Everyone knows the Dalai Lama.

So, I was surprised how I reacted when I read a passage in his book, How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life:

“Anger is not necessary. It has no value.”

My first reaction was that it really pissed me off!

How dare he say that!

After all, how can someone judge someone else’s life? How can he, not knowing me or anyone, know what situations we face in a day? How frustrating life can be. How difficult people swoop in and mess up our plans, our days and our lives.

But, really, it’s hard to stay on this self-righteous path very long when you’re comparing yourself to the Dalai Lama. Most of us know the general outline of his life. As the spiritual leader of Tibet from a young age, he witnessed the brutality firsthand as his community of monks was killed, tortured and exiled. Yet, he lives his life with the singular purpose spreading the message of forgiveness and peace.

And he says, without hesitation:

“Anger is not necessary. It has no value.”

Anger: What Regrets Are Made Of

What I know is that those times I did get angry, I remember. And I regret.

I pride myself on being a kind teacher. Even on Monday mornings, even when I’m not feeling well, my goal is to bring it!

But on one day, I lost it. An adult student was repeatedly disrupting the class. I told him strongly to leave, “Get out”. He didn’t budge. I’d never experienced that kind of reaction in my years of teaching adults. Kids yeah, but not adults.

He didn’t. I pointed to the door, and stood firmly and said it again, louder, and still he sat.

Then, I yelled, “Get the *#$@ out of my class!”

In that one moment, I did so much damage. The days, weeks, months of teaching, planning and caring flew out the window with that one three-second outburst. I lost my hallmark.

Over the next few weeks, I studied that incident. I realized that even on days when I meditated, ate right, rested well and prepared to my best ability, I was occasionally still losing my cool: yelling or letting a (less remarkable) curse word fly.

The thing is, I’m kind of a hard-ass in class. I’m a stickler about being on time and following the rules. This has worked well for me and most of my students. But it didn’t work at that school. I was just taking everything way too seriously for that school, in general.

I could have blamed it on the students, the class size, the school policies or something else. But the point is, my behavior is my responsibility. I realized that that position wasn’t right for me, and I quit. I found a new position at a more academically-oriented school, and it was a good fit.

Forgivable, but not Forgettable

When we look back at our lives, these moments of anger are permanent dents in our track record. They can be smoothed over, forgiven, and even a stepping stone to something better, but they are rarely forgotten.

It’s better to give up the idea that anger is necessary or useful. Instead, let’s figure out where it’s popping up and how to avoid it in the future.

Exercises

  • Think back over your life and recall moments of anger by you or someone near you. Did anger help that situation?
  • Tomorrow, notice if there is a time when you get angry. Notice if you are near others who are angry.
  • What is the reason for the anger?
  • Is it a ‘good’ reason?
  • What would be a ‘good reason’ to get angry?
  • When is anger a valid response?
  • How does anger improve the situation? Does it?

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”

– Chinese Proverb

Love Your Students

Change your lesson plan. Renumber your objectives for the day and make number one: Love your students.

I’ve taught English to students in the US, Korea and Saudi Arabia. One thing’s for sure. You can’t always teach your students what you want to teach them. Or what you think you’re supposed to teach them.

You can try. You can do your best, but things go awry in our own plans. We lose papers or experience technical difficulties. Or a student is simply not able to or motivated to learn at that moment.

But, in those moments, you can still love your students. You can unconditionally love your students.

Even if they just failed the quiz, or just disrupted class. Even if you’re writing up the “Step 3″ discipline form or you have no idea to connect to a student. Even if she thinks you don’t like her or he won’t return your smile, you can unconditionally love those students. Even if you lost your cool with him previously (actually, especially if you did), you can unconditionally love him.

As teachers, we must try. Always.

Of course, we’re human. We can’t always pull this off. Some days, or some moments, we’ll fail miserably. (I have documented my failings in earlier posts!)

But we must try.

A fellow teacher was telling me how bad her class was.

“What should I do?”, she asked.

“Love them”, I replied.

“Ohhhhh no, not these students”, she said. “You don’t understand. Especially the worst ones. No. But really, what should I do?”

“Really, love them.”

“I can’t,” she said. Ohhhhhhhh no, I thought.

“You must,” I said.

“I wish I could!” she said, as she walked away. But unconditionally loving our students is a choice. So, we can.

Teachers are taught to be very objective-focused. If our objective is to ensure that each students knows we unconditionally love them, we can make that happen. Certainly everything you say or do is important, but sometimes this connection can be established or kept alive with only a few seconds per student per class.

Why is it important to love them?

Well, when we think about it, what is the point of being a student? Students are there to learn. Why? Because they want to make life somehow better.

When we unconditionally love our students, even for a second, we transport them and ourselves to that endpoint instantly.

We make life somehow better, complete and wonderful for our students and ourselves, in that moment.

And if there are still problems with the class, we at least know that we can make whatever changes are necessary (in the classroom or in our lives), from a state of groundedness …and love.

Fast forward to “better life now” by committing to love your students.

Home of the Free

Walking around on the streets of Denver, I’m in awe of our freedoms.

I just got back from two months in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Wow, look at that lady walking alone, head uncovered, no abaya, walking a dog!!! A big dog!

And over there, people sitting outside. Women sitting outside with men.

And on the bus. Well, first, there is a bus!!!! Then, high school kids get on the bus. Young women, without abayas or headscarves, talking to boys. They’re talking about Coke vs Diet Coke, Democrats and Republicans, and which stop they get off at.

And on the bus are women who are coming home from work. Jobs of all kinds, I imagine.

There are churches and synagogues and mosques. Cinemas. Plays. Outdoor musical performances and music playing in Chipotle. And women eating dinner with their kids, right next to a man or two.

And there are homeless people. And single moms talking about being on welfare. And guys talking about getting out of jail again.

This is the land of the free. Free to succeed or fail, but definitely in comparison to Saudi Arabia, free.

Going for a Swim

Here in Riyadh, many compounds (expat residence communities) have swimming pools. But if you don’t have a friend on a compound, can you go swimming?

Yes, you can!, my teacher friends told me.

Here’s the scoop:

  • You have to have a driver take you to the Diplomatic Quarter. You must also arrange for them to come pick you up. Arrange with a driver, not a taxi, as empty taxis are not allowed into the DQ. (Cost roundtrip about 60-100 SAR ~$15-$20)
  • Bring your passport.
  • Wear a one-piece swimsuit, plus bike shorts underneath and a swimming cap.
  • Pay 50 SAR ($13)
  • Choose hours when women are allowed

Easy, right!!Well, it’s an option. Hmm…

Ah, I’m thinking fondly of the women’s sauna with swimming lane, 10 minute walk away, no clothing required and $4 entrance fee on Jeju Island.

Extra Money: Saudi Budget Surplus

While the US posted its third consecutive highest annual deficit ($1.3 trillion), the Saudi government is faced with the problem of what to do with its latest surplus.

That’s right. The Saudi government has an extra $81.6 billion at year end. 

BBC News - Saudi Arabia posts huge budget surplus (December 2011)

Big Family Vehicles

This is a place where big cars are popular:

- the average family size is six (down from higher numbers in recent years, and still lower in Riyadh than in smaller towns where the average size is 7-8)

- no public transportation

- gasoline sells for less than $1/gallon

- male drivers

The other day I saw a dad helping his kids get in the car, taking them to school perhaps. I thought, wow, the dads here really do take care of their kids a lot. Of course, the other side of that, is that women can’t drive, so there are no Soccer Mom’s here.

Class-y Dressers

Class-y Dressers

Sure, it’s the case that in any place, that the clothes one wears hints at your station in society.

And it’s definitely the case here.

For example, you often see men dressed in traditional Saudi garb: white robe (thawb), red and white checked headscarf (shumawg), and round rope-like coil (iqal). (More info on Saudi traditional costumes here.) These men, one assumes, are Saudi citizens. Their wives are wearing full nikabs, they are driving their wives and kids about, or walking with them in the mall. They drive fancy cars like Lexus, or big American cars, like Chevy Tahoe and GMC Yukon. (Big families and cheap oil here, thus, big cars.)

On the other hand, when you see someone wearing more casual Western wear, they tend to be working in the service industry or expats working in positions such as IT or insurance. They’re usually not Saudi.

So, it’s wrong to assume too much by the clothing, but moreso than in other countries, the clothes do say much about the man.

Mulan: If I Were a Boy …Saudi style

Mulan …If I Were a Boy…Joan of Arc

Just before I left Korea, I was teaching the story book of Mulan to my grade 5-6 students. 

The story of Mulan, I learned, is based on an old Chinese legend about a girl who must take her father’s place. She masquerades as a man, and becomes a famous warrior.

Other cultures have similar stories, like Joan of Arc.

So, I have this dream of masquerading as a guy, just once. (Okay, just once a week.)

Could I pull it off? Tuck my hair into something? I could wear the traditional Saudi man’s headscarf and long white tunic. A slight bulge at chest height could keep going with a bit of padding, to give that chubby Saudi belly style that many men sport.

But then, if I was wearing that, how could I fulfill my dream? I don’t want to drive. I don’t want to eat in the men’s section of a restaurant. I don’t want to play pool or ping-pong and drink coffee at the nearby hangout. And I definitely don’t want to go into the spa at the Hotel Mercure.

If I could figure out a way to do it, I’d masquerade as a man, 

so I could ride a bike!

You’re Welcome: Marhaban

You’re Welcome …Marhaban!

Living as a woman in Saudi Arabia means you’re constantly guessing as to whether you’re allowed or not.

A few weeks ago, for example, I walked first to the tailor shop across the street. If you can see in, and you can see men, oftentimes women aren’t allowed. But in some stores you are.

So, I walked hesitantly to the storefront. I motioned and said, is it okay? Can I come in?

The two men working there nodded yes. They were sitting at separate tables. One was working on a blue sequined ball gown. The other was working on an elegant black dress.

So, I walked up to the door, opened it and I stepped inside. Suddenly, they both were shaking their heads and waving their hands, No!

But, but…I thought they’d just said it was okay.

“Window,” one of the men pointed. Then I realized that I’d just walked into their private workshop and they serve customers (at least women and maybe all) outside at the window. Oopsiedaisy!

Okay, so I’m being too cautious. Lighten up, I thought to myself.

Next stop is the Hotel Mercure, pictured above, that for some reason is designed to look like The Love Boat, or at least a cruiseship. 

We’d been walking by the hotel daily for a few weeks now, and noticed that the sign said “Spa and Health Club”.

I’d tried going in once, but when I walked up to the door and as I was about to go in, I noticed dozens of guys. Only. Guys in traditional Saudi dress and no women. Ah, heck, I thought. I didn’t have the energy that time to test it out.

But today, I wanted to try again.

So, I walked up to the door and saw again the same thing. Lots and lots, maybe 30, Saudi men in traditional dress (red and white checked headpiece scarf and white long robe). There was no one at the door so I went in. The staff at the lobby were wearing hotel-y types of suits and I looked at them and did the, “Am I ok here?” symbol. “Yes, Yes,” they motioned. “Marhaban.” (Welcome!) When they saw me, they got the best English speaker to come help me.

Right about then, I felt really silly for thinking that women weren’t welcome in the hotel. As I was getting ready to ask my question, a women (with nikab) appeared so I was relieved that at least some women were in the hotel.

“Do you have a health club? …or a spa? here?” I asked the staffperson.

“Yes. Yes, we do,” he said. I smiled, beamed!

“But it’s only for the guys you know.”

My friend had nearly the same conversation with him that day at a different time, when he mentioned, “Of course, you’re welcome in the coffee shop and restaurant!”

Crazy Women Drivers

Crazy Women Drivers

The first thing you’re greeted with when you walk in Le Mall is the sound of electric cars tooling around. Driven by toddlers up to about age five, the vehicles are snappy, but not actually so fast that they’re dangerous. You just gotta watch your step a bit, and keep eyes and ears tuned for these little low-speed-demons.

Not just boys on these motorcycles and cars though. Plenty of girls are driving, with moms and dads herding them about, smiling.

I wonder if these same little girls grow up and fondly reminisce, I remember when I drove a car once. I was three years old and it was a silver beauty…

There’s an ice skating rink in the mall for kids too! But again, how would a woman ice skate with an abaya? Now, that could be dangerous

Really …you can’t celebrate Xmas or New Year’s!

Teacher friends planned a Christmas part in their apartment, which has only foreigner residents. They posted a sign in the lobby saying “Christmas Party” with the time, date and apartment number. 

Somehow the Mutawa (Religious Police) got word of it and objected. They came to the apartment building, removed the sign, and came to the apartment listed. They told the teachers they could not have the party, and that the Mutawa would be back at the date and time mentioned to ensure it.

Sound far-fetched? No, and it’s not only Christmas that is un-Islamic, and thus banned. According to an article on the bikyamasr website, a foreigner was just arrested on the street for celebrating the New Year’s Eve with balloons. 

Saudi Arabia arrests foreigner for celebrating New Year’s with balloons

So, when I was in line in the grocery store the day after Christmas, and a nice guy in full Saudi dress first helped me unload my cart, then wished me, “Merry Christmas!” …I said, “Thank you” but wondered

…is this a trick question?